Five things I honestly thought were favorites until I started writing about them

Trying something new today:

five-favorites-moxie-wife-1

1 and 2.  Bras that actually fit.  I’ve been meaning and meaning and meaning to go to this store that does bra fittings.  On the one hand, I’ve been breastfeeding for a total of something like 146 months, and I walk like a cripple because I’m trying to hide the fact that my shirt fronts look weird.  On the other hand, I knew I was going to have to go in there and let them look at me, like, look at me, and possibly touch me.

So I while I was working up the courage for that, I checked out this site Her Room (CUSTODY OF THE EYES WARNING IT’S ABOUT BRAS AND WHAT IS IN BRAS, SO, YOU KNOW) at doesn’t just ask your band and cup size, but it wants to know allllllll about how exactly you’re shaped and — I mean, exactly how you are shaped, and, um, how’s it hanging, and such.  And then it makes specific recommendations for you.  Very clever and well done.  But by the end of it, it was like, “So, based on your input that you are a lumpy, pulpy, pendulous, glutinous, lopsided hag with something weird going on in the collar bone, we recommend the LALALALIQUE Titanium Ultra Whalebone Empresse Sassinesse Toujours Gai Ultra Suspension System Plus (may not available in leopard print) to wear under your turtlenecks.”  And I’m like, yay, you helped.  Now I want to go dig a hole and jump in it and never come out.

Anyway, after moping and stewing for a few more days, I put on some extra deodorant and dragged myself to this little lingerie shop in a nearby town, and asked for a bra fitting.  And it wasn’t humiliating or awful or anything.  The woman was professional and matter-of-fact and sympathetic, and I bought two bras (spending about as much as I would normally spend on six bras and a bottle of wine), and they are great.  Just great.  I don’t have to think about my chest all the time, or constantly seek out discreet corners where I can duck in and do some furtive rearranging all the time.  Blessed relief!  Recommended.

3.  The over the tank toilet paper holder.

bc5aff17-7341-46d7-9313-4c63e30d7502_300

This does not actually solve our current bathroom problem, which involves a stud finder that doesn’t find studs, a wall that spits out wall anchors with an almost audible “ptui” of contempt, and kids who see me buying accessories that make one room — just one lousy room — of the house look normal, and they think, “Challenge accepted.”  I think that if we want to have a toilet paper holder that stays put, we’re going to have to wall up one section of the bathroom with concrete, install molly bolts, and use them to chain the children to the wall so they can’t tear down the toilet paper holder, which will be on the other wall.  But for your house, maybe an over-the-tank model would help.

4.  I like to drink wine more than I used to. Anyway, I’m drinking more.  Yellow Tail is pretty good!

yellow-tail

Because the experts says that if it tastes good, then it is good, right?  Anyway, I’m drinking more.

brando-wine

5.  So, I suppose everyone’s seen the Dove thing where it turns out the pretty ladies are pretty but *sob* they didn’t quite realize that they were pretty.

No, but seriously, I think it’s nice of Dove to be making an effort to make women feel okay, even if only in a very limited way; and I always admire a very smart marketing idea.  And I love that they set themselves up for this parody, which I suppose everyone has also already seen:

 

So, when I saw the first one for the first time, I immediately thought of my mother.  I’ll never forget the life lesson she taught me one day.  She had read somewhere that most women are not nearly as fat as they think they are.  The article suggested that a woman should take two chairs and set them up, with their backs facing each other, so that they are as far apart as her hips are wide.  “Go ahead and walk between the chairs,” the article urged, “And you will see that you have overestimated your hip width by several inches!”

“By gum, I’m gonna try that,” my  mother says.  So she sets up the two chairs, takes a few steps back, and then strides through — and knocks over both chairs.  Kablammo!  Well, she had eight kids!  And anyway, she’s skinny again now.  What do you want.

Well, it’s possible I’ve missed the point of Five Favorites.   To see how it’s supposed to be done, head over to Hallie Lord’s site, Moxie Wife, and check out the other links!  Happy Wednesday or whatever it is.

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22 comments

  1. Oh, Simcha – your number one made me spit my coffee out! I had the same predicament and once I got over the fact that someone would, you know, see the ladies, I had the same experience! Of course, I probably should have waited until after I finished birthing me some babies since I probably need to go back again now and really don’t want to whittle down our retirement to house the gals…

    Oh, and try Rosemont wines if you like Yellow Tail. Also good and reasonably priced! 🙂

  2. I’m on board with #3 and #4. We have one of those impregnable walls in our downstairs bathrooms, and such a toilet-paper holder ‘twould be a boon. And back when I was drinking wine, Yellow Tail was a favorite but it’s too upscale for me now. Now I can only buy the wine with the picture of the grapes on it.

  3. My hat is off to you, as I never had the cajones as a blogger to just come out and say, “So, I’m drinking more”. As our kids entered their teens, though, yeah… liquor became an actual monthly budget item (we list it under “entertainment”, but it’s really a necessity, ranking just ahead of toilet paper).

    I do smoke a pipe and took all kinds of grief for talking about that. I didn’t want readers getting all bent out of shape over me saying something like “I recommend everyone take up drinking. It’s AMAZING!”

  4. Yep — Barefoot and Yellow Tail are my “cheap but good” wine staples. :o) And if you want to look like you lost weight, I recommend going to an actual sporting goods store and purchasing a really good sports bra with underwire. (They cost a little over $40.) The ones they sell at Target, etc. won’t cut it, and give you the uni-boob. For my post-nursing, ‘pendulous,’ {insert other ego-destroying adjective here} self, it’s an instant makeover for certain shirts or outfits. More than you wanted to know, but there it is!

  5. I saw Yellow Tail at Target where I do a lot of my grocery shopping. It’s only 5 blocks distant. I’ll give that brand a try.

  6. I tend to have that underestimation problem as well – every time I’m pregnant I keep turning sideways to get through small spaces, completely underestimating my girth until I get to the point where I’m larger sideways than I am straight-on. This has resulted in rather a lot of embarrassing belly bumps, but luckily none of my children have large enough dents in their heads that I think it caused them any serious harm…

  7. Well, if I had a blog, I’d have to add a link to your 5 Favorites as one of my 5 Favorites. Which might get redundant after awhile.
    Apropos of the scat piece, I ran across this and had to post it. I don’t know what that says about me that I never send touching email forwards or inspirational pictures or whatever to people with a “reminded me of you” note, but comic strips? All. The. Time.
    http://www.gocomics.com/rubes/2012/08/27

  8. Chair thing would totally happen to me… I walk around thinking I’m 25 and thin.. I’m 48 and not! 🙂

  9. I visited Her Room and took their “quiz.” I actually had to ask my husband to answer some of the questions since I don’t, um, look at my breasts that much. It was not an occasion of sin – more comic relief than anything. The quiz didn’t seem to do much good. I ordered a bra and returned it. I have yet to drum up the courage to visit a live fitting room, but you have given me inspiration. I currently have a comfortable (read, unflattering) bra I wear around the house and a super-duper, padded (not that I need more padding), uplifting one – which my husband calls my Brunhilde – that I wear in public.

    My half-brained theory is that there are two kinds of women: 1) those who think they are larger than they are -from this pool come the anorexics or exercise fascists; and 2) those who think they are smaller than they are – from this group come the women who who wear spandex and think their fat rolls look hot.

  10. I just choked on my orange section over 1 and 2. Hilarious! Re #3, we find that a toilet paper STAND makes an excellent toy/weapon plus vinyl floor cutter. But that’s only based on limited tests by the grandchildren.

  11. I regularly walk through our baby gate, note that both hips bump against it, and turn around to remind myself that *that’s* how big my butt is.

  12. What? I thought I was the only one who needed a “LALALALIQUE Titanium Ultra Whalebone Empresse Sassinesse Toujours Gai Ultra Suspension System Plus” bra! We must be soul sisters or something.

  13. I’m dying here. Spit toothpaste all over the bathroom mirror. I coudn’t finish the bra/boob quiz and I am also drinking more. I love your blog. Now, I must clean my mirror and vanity.

  14. OK. After I read one and two, I realized that while you’re still one of my favorite bloggers, I should only read what you write for the Register. My wife, however, would probably like this one 🙂

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