Are you attached enough?

Yeah, yeah, it’s about a month too late.  I just happened across an anti-stroller article and a Facebook group dedicated to women giving birth not only not in a hospital, not only not without a doctor, but without a midwife or any assistance of any kind — even without your husband or “partner,”  because it’s, like, freer, or something.   And I says to myself, I says, I may be the only normal person left in the world.

(I do actually co-sleep, by the way, because it’s easier.  I have never found a baby carrier that I like, so I just carry the baby in my regular old arms.  Or I make the other kids do it.)



  1. Are we running a pool on how long before we see the first commenter who stopped reading early enough to actually miss the satire? (Winner gets a copy of Simcha’s next book, “Unbirthing and Teenagers: It’s Not Too Late!)

    I’ll put my money on comment #37.

  2. Frankly, I think birthing totally alone sounds saner than what an acquaintance was recently telling me about: husband-assisted unattended birth or something like that where the couple basically has sex throughout labor. “The pains of childbirth are overcome by love!”

  3. 444 months too late for me, alas. I’m the other normal person left in the world, but have abandoned sitting down. After reading Anna’s comment and thinking of how I would have kicked my husband across the city if we’d had “that kind of childbirth,” I’m hiding under the bed watching my spiders give birth.

  4. Anna, that is the single most disgusting thing I have heard of in my entire life. I read it earlier this morning and I can’t stop gagging. aaaccckkkkk

  5. My third was delivered by my husband, but only because the midwife got lost. We were so freaked out we abandoned homebirthing altogether. Do I count as sane now?

  6. Oh wow, Anna that is just really unimaginable! Really? I guess I must have gone about this whole childbirth thing the wrong way all these years … And I think I’ll just keep it up …

  7. My old roommate wants to give birth at home surrounded by her stuff and her family and where’s she’s comfortable. I want a hospital. With doctors. And the NICU down the hall. And somebody else to clean up the mess. *shudder*

  8. I feel like I had the best of all worlds (for me) with my last one at a nice birthing center with lovely midwives and a water birth. But I’m really embarrassed by how defensive some women are when they find out about it. My reasons were entirely based on what I needed, not based on what I thought anyone else should do. I have no opinion. Truly. If you want that epidural, by all means, get that epidural. It makes me feel terrible that any good-hearted mother would feel so automatically judged.

    • Yay! I had my first in a hospital, epidural and the whole enchilada. Decided to have my second in a free standing birth center-in the tub no less. It was awesome! I’m sure most of my friends though I’d gone bananas. But it was right for us.

      Simcha you need an Ergo carrier. Seriously, it rocks, comfier than holding a baby. But I do love strollers too. 😉

  9. I loved the article and was snorting tea through my nose…I was thinking about the whole issue of people pushing their parenting on others, though, or maybe basing their parenting on fears, and here’s what I’m finding interesting. When I was a new mom, I had a lot of expectations and fears about what things should be like–I really was inexperienced and had no guidance. I was very afraid of my children turning out brats, etc., and I was pretty susceptible to what at the time was the accepted wisdom about kind of religiously letting children cry it out, not picking them up, etc, so they wouldn’t become dependent,…a kind of fear-based and oppositional philosophy, and the literature was very heavy-handed—if you don’t do these things, if you don’t spank your kids beginning at 8 months etc. etc. your kids will end up behind bars, they’ll hate God, etc. So for me, reading Dr. Sears was just a huge relief; he’s just pointing out that the U.S. puritanical norm is not the norm for the rest of the world, and he gave me permission to relax and enjoy my kids rather than feeling like I must be a Nazi with myself and my children in order for them to turn out well. Seriously, in those circles you are really bad if you *don’t* have your babies in cribs, if you ever pick up a crying baby, etc.. I know this must seem unbelievably ignorant on my part, for those of you coming from large families, but I don’t think I’m the only one who has been in that situation. So anyway, it seems like things have gradually kind of flipped and there is a kind of rigorous, fear-based attachment parenting which is the “new norm” and anyone who falls short of that is damaging their children, so everyone now feels defensive in that direction, whereas when my mom was young she felt very defensive about breastfeeding her children. The whole thing is interesting. I wonder when people will just relax?

  10. I know that 96 percent of deliveries are routine. But that 4 percent that go wrong, they go wrong really, really fast and it’s really, really bad. Of course,I don’t buy lottery tickets because I don’t like those odds. Trust me, modern evidence-based obstetrical care is not your enemy.

  11. That post was hilarious, thank you for the good laugh! It’s easy to get caught up in different parenting styles and realize that they can be a bit ridiculous! Shared it with all my friends. 🙂

  12. Did you really read an anti-stroller article? Honestly, are there people who think strollers are morally wrong?
    I have a friend who goes to a baby-wearing group. That makes me giggle. What do they do there?
    I wear my babies in a sling sometimes but I’ve never thought of attending a group for it. And I also use a stroller sometimes, just cause they’re awesomely practical. I never even realised people could be anti-strollers. Ha!

  13. I’m guessing they have their cell phone in hand and their husband or mom within screaming distance? Hey, back in the Old West and the Pioneer Days, midwives and other women used to overcome incredible dangers to get to the mom to help her and be there for her. As far as wearing the baby vs. stroller, why does anything ever have to be an “either/or”? We did it all. Baby sleeping in our bed; baby sleeping in his crib. Baby in napsack; baby in stroller; baby in my arms or the arms of one or another family member. It’s all good! 🙂 Just love ’em. It’s that simple.

  14. Anna – If I hadn’t googled “sex during childbirth” and scarred (and scared) my soul with what I found, I wouldn’t have believed you. From the first hit, I learned “…the hospital is not conducive to sexual activity.” This explains a lot, particularly a couple outstanding civil suits I can’t seem to shake. I also learned that “Relaxin is found in the seminal fluid of all mammals (men included),” so that should be good material for future attempts at puttin’ on the smoove moves. (Warning to all who go to that site: there is a slide show that plays on the margin of pics of women in various stages of birthing…things that can’t be unseen.)

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