If your house could speak

There used to be a TV commercial that asked, “If your house could speak, what would it say?”  I think they were selling exterior stain, or a home security system or something.  Everyone’s houses were saying things like, “This family understands love” or “Security happens under this roof.”

Well, this is what I found in my bathroom yesterday:

I think my house is saying, in a sort of pleading whisper,

” . . . Truce?”

If your house could speak, what would it say?


  1. P.S. The monitor on the computer I use to edit photos is dying, and is pinkish and streaky, but I’ve gotten used to it; so when I adjust the contrast or whatever, I can’t tell what it looks like on normal computers. So if my bathroom looks dirty in this picture, it’s just because of my computer monitor, so there.

      • You could be right about that. We were putting in Mexican tiles, so I thought sort of earth-colored grout would look nice and also, you know, hide the poop. But I’ll never forget the moment I went in to see how the tiling was going, and there was my husband, busily smearing the walls with gobs of creamy brown glop. I thought, Oh lord, he’s finally lost his mind. But then I remembered that I picked out brown grout. Whew!

  2. Lol! That is too funny. I am pretty sure my house would say….”thank you for the family that fills my space with love…but… but they play hard and I could use some TLC such as, new carpet, paint, etc.”

  3. That’s awesome. LOL My house would probably say, “Oh, please make those babies (not so much really) sit down and stop jumping and shaking my walls……”

    • If you read this with a pause after the parenthesis, it sounds like your house is first asking you to make love, and then, not as much as you have been. I was a little surprised to see that in a comment…and then I read the rest of it.

  4. My house would say, “I get that the two year-old needs to learn to use the toilet, but when she poops on me, it’s degrading.” My driveway would concur.

  5. My house is saying: aren’t you in the second trimester now? Where is that burst of energy? Why am I still a pigsty? And my bathroom floor really is that dirty.

  6. My house would ask me why we took care of the crown moulding before we fixed the hole in the side of the exterior. Then I would say, “House, please. Nobody can even see that hole.”

    • Heh. We WERE burglarized a few months ago and I had to take the cop through the house saying.. “No, that’s how it always looks…yep that too…OK HERE is where the burglars threw all of my clothes out of the drawers to go through them…”

      • My sister’s first apartment was burgled, and she and her flatmate were so embarrassed by it general mess that the tidied up before calling the police, even though it meant perhaps destroying evidence. And yet, when the officer arrived, he commented, “Wow, they really trashed your place!”

  7. Mine would probably tell me: “I feel so exposed! Quit starting projects and leaving them half finished!” There are many of those going on right now, poor house.

  8. My house is more like a faded, sprawling, old, Mexican movie star, who takes in stray cats. She is ample and eccentric.with no shame in front of the newer and flashier starlets in the neighborhood. She wears a badge on her ample bosom that says: “Mi Casa es tu Casa.” which she means most of the time. It is impossible to shock her, as she has seen it all. She plays host to an assembly of quirky inhabitants that make “Arrested Development” sound tame.

      • Jenny, thanks 🙂 that’s what my kids tell me when they see me reading blogs. I tell them that it’s therapy and that other people’s weird lives are more interesting to me than all the juicy material our family provides me with. This pretty much shuts them up. I suppose I could change the names, and maybe the country to protect the (umm) innocent.

  9. Our house was rented to a college fraternity before we bought it. I think it misses the weekly visits from the po po.

  10. My house wouldn’t speak anything. Would just shout out incoherent stuff…. We simply torture our house… Thank God houses don’t speak… Imagine adding one more voice in the already hot discussion of what shade of pink should go on what wall…

    House! You better stay dumb.

  11. ohhh gosh…tinted grout…oh I laugh so hard….this is just too funny.
    we have two smallish sliding doors on our shower and the rollers always come out and the door sort of half falls off. A few months back, one got so stuck it wouldn’t open at all, thus leaving a fairly narrow gap to enter and exit. I try not to nag my husband about jobs around the house but unfortunately it went unfixed for so long that I had to say something – I’m 6 months pregnant and with my growing belly I actually couldn’t ‘slide’ into the shower at all, just sort of squish my belly into the stuck door and wriggle to get in and out….ah me…he fixed it…kind man 🙂

  12. Mine would say, “Thanks for trying.” We bought a real fixer-upper. So far, so good…the projects seem endless!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s