Pregnant and scared

This is a personal note to the young woman who entered “i’m 19 i am due september 7,2012 and i am scared about giving birth and dying” into a search window and came to my blog:  how can we help?  There is a whole community of people here who want to help you.  Please contact me at simchafisher@gmail.com

Don’t be scared.  You can do this, and you don’t have to be alone.

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42 comments

  1. God loves you & your precious baby soooo much….your baby just needs your love…God will provide the rest. Pray for trust and peace to know that God will see you both through & to see that his love is so much bigger than any huge fears & doubts. I will be praying for you & your baby!! God bless you both 🙂

  2. I don’t know about anyone else, but if this woman feels that she cannot take care of this little one, my husband and I (and probably others) would be more than happy to adopt. We have been married 10 years and are infertile. If she is interested, please pass on my e-mail address to her.

  3. I had an unplanned pregnancy at 19 as well. I got pregnant in a dorm room in college. I am now 26 and have a wonderful 6 year old son and a college degree. Speaking from a very intimate personal experience- it is scary, but only for a short time. Find someone to be exicted for you and focus on that.. It will get easier.

  4. Whoever you are, sweetie, don’t be afraid. When Simcha asks you to contact her, she means it; please DO email her. I know that she will guide you in the right direction — not only in prayer, but in advising you how to find the prenatal care that you need…. and, if you feel unable to take care of your baby for whatever reason, finding adoptive parents for him or her. In the meantime, hang in there, OK? Our prayers are with you. {{{{{HUGS}}}}}

  5. Nineteen And Pregnant- you CAN do this! I promise. How do I know? I was 19 when I had my first. Was it hard? Yes. Was I scared? Yes. But it was also the absolute best thing I’ve ever done with my life. I wouldn’t trade any thing for my son. My world, my life and my family are all better because he is part of it. And just in case no one has told you, God loves you so much..He will give you all the strength you need to be the best mom you can be. Love you and praying for you! -Also Pregnant and 19 now 34 and happy mom of 3.

  6. I don’t know if you’re anything like me, but what helps me is to identify why I’m scared. If you’re scared about raising a baby alone – well, you won’t be the first and you certainly won’t be the last single mother to raise a child. Many, many very successful men and women were raised by moms who started out as teenage mothers. You can do this, and you can do it well.

    If you’re scared about your parents’ reaction, first of all remember how much your parents love you. When I was 19, I think I was scared my mom would’ve made me give my baby away. Now that I’m 46 and a mother of teens myself, I know that would never have happened. I don’t know your relationship with your parents, but there are millions – yes, millions – of grandparents who help raise their grandchildren. The likelihood is your mom and dad will help you. And if they won’t, perhaps there is an aunt, or a sister, or a dear friend who will help you through those first difficult frightening years of parenting.

    If you’re scared of being poor, don’t be. I’ve been poor and I’m not going to lie and say it’s wonderful, but it’s not horrible either. Not in the United States. And for you, dear, it would be a temporary situation.

    Take care of yourself and your precious child and don’t worry about the rest of the world. Those things will take care of themselves. There is help for you, I promise.

  7. I am adding my prayers to everyone else’s — prayers for your peace and health and safety. And I will help you in whatever way I can, I mean that sincerely. I hope that you do contact Simcha, because she is 100% correct when she says that there is a whole community of people who would move mountains to help you if they need to. We can help you get health care, get a roof over your head if you need it, and if you feel like you cannot raise your child alone, we can find you a family that would love to help you. I don’t know where you are, but I am in PA and willing. Please, please just contact Simcha!
    Praying for you!

  8. I’m sorry that in my previous post I ignored the only fear you mentioned – the fear of dying. You have to know that the risk of you dying is very, very, miniscule. First of all, you’re young and women that are at an advanced maternal age are at a much bigger risk of complications than a young woman like you. And even the older women’s risk is minimal in North America and Europe.

    And you have power – There are two big things you can do for yourself. One is to to take the best care of yourself that you possibly can – no drugs or drink and eat the healthiest diet your body’s raging hormones will allow. For me, while pregnant, this was often potato chips, french fries, and rye toast, so give yourself a break here if your stomach won’t keep things down. But probably the biggest, hugest thing you can do to make sure you don’t die having your child is to advocate for yourself, or get your mom or a dear friend to do it for you. If something doesn’t feel right, get it checked out and have the medical folks explain to you what it is. If they’re not taking something seriously *that you genuinely believe is wrong*, raise some Cain. And that’s the bottom line – in hospitals, the squeaky wheel gets the grease.

    I remember when I was pregnant with my first, I was a little afraid of the delivery. Then the news came that my baby was to come two months early. I had done nothing, no birthing classes, no hospital tours, nothing. BUt the baby came just the same. And the delivery was actually pretty easy. It was cramps, then bad cramps, then really bad cramps, then the epidural. And the pain was gone, just like that. I’ve since had deliveries where the babies came so easily that I didn’t need or want any pain meds. Your first may go that way as well.

  9. I got pregnant for the first time at the “ripe old age” of 27 — but I was 2000 miles from home and the dad was NOT available as a father figure; in fact, being around him was dangerous to me and my health. I had to leave my career, my friends, and everything to come home to be safer. I had a difficult pregnancy and delivery. But he is ten years old now, and a brilliant and kind child.

    At this point I have given birth 4 times– once accidentally unassisted, in my bedroom! I am scared each time. It’s understandable. But you are not alone!!!

    Thinking about you and praying for you, whoever you are.

  10. Dear Pregnant and 19,

    If you are in Arizona and need a friend, please contact me. I’ll help any way I can too. I’m a mother to 5 and due with baby number 6 on the way. I would love to be comfort to you anyway I can. Yes, it’s scary, but it is worth it! Just think, you are growing a person that is going to love you unconditionally and think you are the most awesome, beautiful, smartest person alive. 🙂

  11. Pregnant and 19, I can’t think of a bigger blessing than a baby. I had my first at 21. It’s beautiful to share your life with your child when you are a young mother There will never be a big generational gulf between you. Giving birth is a miracle. Prayers today from coastal CA.xo

  12. I was terrified of dying the first time I gave birth, too–it really triggered my anxiety. You are stronger than you know, and you really will be fine. But you’re probably still scared, and that’s just fine. I hate pain. It scares me, maybe it scares you too. One of my friends pulled me aside before I gave birth and said, “Look, Childbirth hurts, it hurts a lot. Take the drugs if you want.” That was good advice. With my last birth, I found myself wishes they’d just wheel the guerney out into the freeway traffic and be done with it–but then I remembered to pray, and I was instantly given strength. Childbirth is joyful, but it’s also a little sad–your baby is no longer with you in quite the same way. So if you feel sad, that’s ok, too. And it is a kind of death–the end of your baby-less self–so you may be mourning that and that manifests as fear. It’s a big, powerful, scary experience, but you are strong. I will be praying for you.

  13. Please know that you are being prayed for! And please, please, email Simcha. I know how terrifying pregnancy can be but know that you are loved and that there are many people out there who want to help you. Please seek them out!

  14. I am praying that our Blessed Mother will wrap her arms around you as you bring this precious new life into the world. As the mother of 3 I can honestly tell you that I do not remember the labor but I can tell you I do remember the intense feeling when they put my baby into my arms for the first time.

  15. My family is praying for you, but we would also love to send you a box of pampers, onesies or whatever else you might need!

  16. Many others have beautiful words of compassion– please know that I too am holding you in my prayers, that you find the peace you’re seaching for.

  17. I really hope this young woman reaches out again. There are so many people to help her!

    We will pray, and if more details come through about her situation, we can mail her some baby gear or help her find an adoptive family.

  18. You’ll be in my prayers, hon.

    Like several of these ladies, I had my son when I was 19. His dad, who I’d dated for two years, broke up with me when we found out I was pregnant, and I was absolutely wrecked for a while. If I can do it (I was a mess!), you can do it.

    It is hard, and it stays kind of hard, but that little baby will bring you more joy than you’d ever believe, and he or she will reveal goodness and strength in you that you never knew you had.

    Regardless of how it feels now, your life’s not over. Great things can happen if you work hard and ignore people who say you can’t possibly amount to anything now. I finished college and am now in a combined MD/PhD program, and I’m getting married on Saturday to someone wonderful. Just get your feet back under you, and you’ll be fine, too.

    As for your worries about the delivery, are you getting prenatal care? Childbirth is very, very safe when it is done in a hospital. If you are uninsured or underinsured, you may be eligible for Medicaid if you’re in the United States. Don’t let pride endanger your health or your baby’s.

    Best of luck, and God bless you and your little one!

  19. my first was born when i was a 20 year old, unmarried, college student. I was so scared but read a lot and took many classes! For my next child I became a childbirth instructor. knowledge is power and truly helps dispel fear. And, well, of course, so does the Divine Mercy. you can do this and you will become a better you too!

  20. I am also praying and I am also willing to help! I live in Maryland. And a few words of comfort: When I was pregnant with my first (less than two years ago), I found that everybody seemed to want to scare me with horrendous childbirth stories and promises that I wouldn’t sleep again for decades. But it turned out that everything — everything — was easier than I expected. Don’t take the scary stories and dramatic warnings to heart. Just enjoy the marvel that is unfolding within you.

  21. Reading this note and the ensuing compassionate, generous, and lovely string of comments has me in tears. You ladies are all so wonderful! (And, nineteen and pregnant, NOT TO WORRY! You are surrounded by prayer and angels, and your body was created to do this!)

  22. I live in British Columbia, Canada, and I would be happy and honoured to help you in any possible way, little mother-to-be. You and your baby are loved! Do us the honour of letting us help you.

  23. Pregnant and 19, God has a great plan for you and your baby. I was 17 when I became pregnant with my son. I was so scared, just like you. Fear is normal but it’s makes you imagine crazy things, and those crazy things never usually happen. I’m so glad I had my son. He’s an awesome young man! Cute, funny and unique. He’s definitely given me some gray hairs but hey he makes life exciting:) lol. I was a single mom for 10 yrs. I was afraid I’d never be married, but I turned my life around with God’s help and now I’m married to a great guy and we have three more kids. I’m in New York and would love to help you too! You and your baby will be ok, little one. Look at all these ladies who want to help you, girl! We mean it!:)

  24. Dear Pregnant and 19,
    You and your unborn baby are in my families prayers. Put your trust in the Lord, He will not steer you wrong. God will never give you anything that you can’t handle.
    We are all here praying for you. Feel our love.

  25. If you’re reading these comments, honey, and need a friend in south Texas, I’m here, and I have lots of friends who would also like to help you in any way they could.

    • I wish I knew, Patrick. The search term was the only info I ever had, and she likely never saw this post. That doesn’t mean the prayers didn’t help, though. Forty-one responses!

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