Marriage Isn’t For Perfect People

Jen’s excellent post about being too careful in marriage made me think of two things:

1.  I once went to a wedding at which, during the ceremony, a duo sang “All I Ask of You” from Phantom of the Opera, including references to Christine and Raoul.  The bride and groom were named neither Christine nor Raoul.  It made me feel uncomfortable.

2.  People are passing around a thing about how to tell you’re marrying the right person, to which I reply:  harumph, harumph, harumph (that’s the link to my Register piece today).

No, three things:

3.  Khalil Gibran, still, really?  I mean, really?  Still?

p.s.  We played “I Walk the Line” at our wedding, so there.



  1. Commenting in both places…

    Thank you for this! You have said exactly what I wanted to say. My husband and I battled anxiety, emotional baggage, etc. almost from day one of our relationship. We definitely didn’t fit the criteria for not being scared and having a smooth relationship from the start. Sometimes those trials are the crucible that prepares a couple for trials God has waiting down the line. In our case, the lessons in trust we learned during our dating years prepared us to battle infertility, which in turn prepared us to accept God’s will when our daughter was born with Down syndrome.

    Their ideas are sound—to a point. But God works through people in many different ways, and I’ll tell you what, if I had read that post while we were dating it would have been excruciating, and misleading, fuel for the fires of anxiety that I was already struggling to overcome.

    • See, I think the AOM advice – as far as general advice goes – is actually very good. And if some prenuptial advice on a random blog causes someone to rethink their marriage, then maybe it wasn’t such a good idea for the person to be entering into marriage anyway. There are worse things in life than not marrying – being in a bad marriage, for instance. Obviously, the AOM rules aren’t going to apply to everybody but I look at couples who don’t meet the criteria as proof of God’s grace.

      Whenever I disagree with the majority of posters on one of Simcha’s posts, I tend to linger over my thoughts on the subject, and this post at the Register is no different.

      What’s occurred to me is that if I’d have married either of the two serious boyfriends I had before my marriage is that we could have made it work. They were good Catholic men who were willing to make a lifetime commitment to me. I nearly married one of them because as I was approaching 30, I really wanted my own family. Thank God I didn’t marry either of them though, because although we’d have made it work, I know I personally would’ve found marriage to be much more of a struggle. That I wouldn’t have been as happy is a certainty.

      Maybe my view of what to look for in a spouse is overly romantic but I know my husband shares it.

  2. You need to repost your Kinkade bashing, as it was one of my favorites from your old blog.

    I think his paintings represent the AOM worldview of marriage, when we live more in a Dahli type of world.

    • Ohh, good idea, Pat! I might just have to reprint all the comments, too, though — I don’t know if I have the energy to explain it all over again.

      Again, I don’t think there’s anything at all wrong with the marriage they described in the AOM article — I just don’t think it applies to ALL good marriages, by any means.

  3. We played `Past the Point of no Return` from Phantom at our wedding… I thought it was appropriate, but some thought it a little odd.

  4. We had Be Not Afraid during the ceremony. I understand some Catholics don’t like it (because the congregation speaks in God’s voice? And because it’s in English, right?) but the objection we heard was that it was unromantic or inappropriate to a wedding. We felt such objections did not take marriage very seriously.

  5. I’m late on this, but did you read the Kahlil Gibran parody in First Things a couple of years ago? I made my husband read it to me more than once. It was awesome.

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