This is why my children play with sticks, rocks, and dirt.

Baby Glutton doll, combining toys with breastfeeding, now available in the US!  If only there were some way to involve vaccines, circumcision, or Sarah Palin, this product would form the perfect trifecta of Things Americans Freak Out About.

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15 comments

  1. I enjoyed this, as usual with your stuff. You had a line there about how at first you would carefully pick toys according to how, I forget, classic, noble, imaginative, etc. they were. Have you ever seen that Christian homeschooling catalog that sells only expensive little historical replica toy and costumes, and is extremely gender segregated? All the boys have the cool weapons, miniature sextants, flint/steels, while the girls are stuck with embroidery kits? I’ve been looking for a link but can’t find it. Might be a good thing to lampoon sometime, if you want to continue this topic of over the top toys.

    • Yeah, the more I think about it, the more I realize I’m just as neurotic about toys as everyone else – I just feel more self-righteous about it. Did you see the Mother Theresa doll I linked to? I thought I would get slammed for bashing my fellow Catholics again (since it’s a Catholic, family-owned company, I think), but that’s the kind of thing that really chafes my hide — the “let’s teach our kids to imitate Christ by laying down enormous wads of cash” line of reasoning. Bah, humbug.

      • I thought I was a bad Catholic because that Mother Teresa doll scared me. It looks like Baba Yaga or something and I can’t imagine a child snuggling up with it at night.

    • It’s the Vision Forum, subdivided into the All-American Boy’s Adventure Catalog and the Beautiful Girlhood Collection. Gag.

        • Ohhh, brother. I looked at the girl stuff first, and though, “Well, this isn’t so bad – they do have some stuff that looks like kind of neat, in along with the parasols and peanut-growing kits-” but then I looked at the boy stuff. HOLY COW. I mean, it’s one thing to be a drippy parent who doesn’t understand what fun is. It’s quite another to understand fun, and reserve it entirely for your sons. Sheesh. It’s like they’re trying to train men to associate enjoyment with being with other men, and any time there’s anything that women are interested in, like, um, harps, and weaving potholders, — hm, must be time for another weekend away with the guys. Yeah, I don’t see any problems arising there.

          Also, I’ve never seen so much apparent emphasis placed on being PALE. Parasols – long gloves – indoor things. Are rosy cheeks now a brand of feminism, or something? What IS it with these people?

          Haven’t even looked at the teaching materials. When I was still homeschooling, even normal catalogues would throw me into despairs of inadequacy. I

        • Did I misunderstand how to navigate the website? Or are there about five books in the “Girls” section– along with the dolls and dollhouses and modesty slips– whereas the “Boys” catalog has a few pages of books mixed into its TOTALLY AWESOME TOYS selection??

        • It’s also an extremely protestant/evangelical program. The book list is a compendium of… gag. Reeding the “About” page could have been written by B. Jones.

          • It’s also an extremely protestant/evangelical program. The book list is a compendium of… gag. Reading the “About” page could have been written by B. Jones.

    • Is there ANYTHING that doesn’t have to do with modesty?

      The first time someone gave our daughter a Barbie doll, I carefully slit open the wrapping paper (I could tell what it was by the shape of the package), pulled it out, and substituted an expensive, modestly dressed, proportionally appropriate doll of a girl in riding clothes, and taped the package shut the night before Christmas.

      Thirteen years later, we have naked Barbies lying around in piles like driftwood on the beach. The boys use them as guns.

  2. I saw this doll somewhere else on the internet, and remembered my two oldest sons breastfeeding their stuffed animals . . . much cheaper, and way less weird. You’re right — if you want to teach kids about breastfeeding, just do it (or hang around someone who is)!

  3. You forgot pots and pans. Big, loud pots and pans. The Beadboys especially love to crash the lids of my calderos together as cymbals. Which causes me to go hide upstairs.

  4. I had a friend with 2 children, a boy of 6 and a girl of 2. The boy wanted a GI Joe for Christmas, and by the time his parents got to the store, all they had left was a black GI Joe. Being modern, enlightened parents, of course, they bought it. But it was the blond headed, blue eyed little cherub of a sister who REALLY loved the toy. She insisted on taking it everywhere with her, and always carried it upside-down by the crotch…

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