1. “Women long to be cared for. This is not wrong.”

    This is something that I’ve often thought about over the years, because I am a feminist. And you are right, there is nothing wrong with wanting to be cared for, taken care of, at least some of the time. But I would also add that while it is ok to want that, we should be prepared for the fact that we may not get it, and that we’ll have to be able to care for ourselves. Or, that sometimes our parents/husbands/whatever may need us to care for them.

    That’s why I prefer to look at a marriage (at least my marriage) not as a situation where my husband takes care of me because he is the man and I am the woman, but where we both care for and take care of each other because we love and respect each other.

    I think you were making roughly the same point, about finding the middle ground between harsh independence and pathetic or spoiled dependence.

    • Yes, I think there are an equal number of ways that I take care of my husband, as the ways that he takes care of me. I think what many feminists are unwilling to admit is that it’s okay for care to take different forms, and that some forms are more typically (thought not exclusively) masculine, while others are more typically, not exclusively, feminine.

    • What does it mean to be a “feminist”? I ask this question sincerely.

      I used to call myself a feminist but always with a caveat (they changed throughout the years). I think what you are saying about the ability to care for oneself is simply a matter of maturity and not necessarily a question of self-worth, or philosophy. Maybe I too relied upon myself for too long to see the difference?

      I’d be interested to hear your answer.

      • That’s the thing — there is no official definition of feminist. I suppose I’d say that at its most basic, it is a belief that men and women are equal and should have the same rights and opportunities. But I am sure there are feminists and non-feminists out there who would disagree with that. And of course, I know a number of women who would never ever call themselves feminists, yet I would consider them so. And I know of people who describe themselves as feminists who aren’t, at all, at least in my opinion.

        • I guess I meant – what do *you* mean by saying that you are a feminist… beyond that definition. I mean, am I being ignorant in thinking that the majority would agree that your definition is just being human and doesn’t need a special label? By that definition you might just as well be a “masculinist” – (LOL). Or am I confused?

          Or maybe one might label themselves a “feminist” if they mean by that that historically women have been oppressed in some societies and shouldn’t be anymore? Too simplistic.

        • There isn’t much more to it — the nuances come from specific situations. And, unfortunately, there are a lot of people who would disagree with my definition. Or more precisely, they might say they have no objection to my statement, but when it comes to dealing with real, actual women it becomes clear that in fact they don’t agree (although they may not realize it).

          The only other thing I can think to add at this hour is that one manifestation of my feminism is my utter disdain of stereotypes and generalizations about men and women.

  2. Wow….yes…I totally relate to this. When I was growing up I thought the “dependence” of my mother was a capital crime (even though she was a teacher and had a college degree). Only many years later did I understand that it was my father who was more dependent. Without her he would probably be dead in a ditch. Dependence seemed worse than death to my generation.

    Read this http://ozconservative.blogspot.com/2010/02/did-feminism-betray-zoe-lewis.html


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s