Inside the bag was . . .

cruel defeat for you all.

There were 116 entries, and nobody guessed it!  Are you ready?  Inside the bag was . . .

mix for making homemade vanilla ice cream.   How can I be sure?  After some deep cleaning, we noticed a carton which was split open, from which a stray bag might reasonably have been separated.  The box held most of the pieces of an ice cream maker, as well as other little similar bags holding ice cream-making things, like rock salt.  Also in the box were instructions (for an ICEE machine, but still).  Also a piece of wood, and a blue sweater.

So I was fairly sure that I was dealing with something edible, so I opened the bag and smelled and tasted the contents.  Yep, that’s what it was:  ice cream mix.  We actually went so far as to use the ice cream maker one time, and I remember the powdery, gritty texture of the mix and the odd, buttery smell.  I did a dramatic Geraldo-esque video of myself opening it up, but my newly teenaged daughter just couldn’t resist turning the camera on herself from time to time, and the end result was not especially intelligible.  Also “Panic In New York Detroit” (definitely panic in somewhere!) was playing in the background for some reason, and drowned out most of what I was saying.  (I was saying, “Oh, it’s ice cream mix.”)

So.  Now what?  I may have missed a few, but here are the guesses:

Iocane powder
zombifying neurotoxin powder called Tetrodoxin
instant chai
masa harina
Cocaine (5)
priming sugar for beer
beer bread mix
powdered milk
wheat flour
instant mashed potatoes
cornstarch and water
rice flour
embossing powder for rubber stampers
cake mix (including Easy Bake) (16)
plaster of paris for hand/foot print, stepping stone, or misc. craft (19)
muffin or scone mix (4)
arrowroot (3)
potato starch
pancake mix (5)
tapioca flour or tapioca (2)
cremains (2)
diaper dust
clay powder
gum arabic
reagent powder for chemistry kit
laundry detergent
drink or lemonade mix (2)
grout powder
chickpea flour
onion powder (4)
bubble gum kit mix
bulk vitamin C
pizza dough  mix
brownie mix
muffin streusel
soy flour
Barkeeper’s Friend
flea powder
baby formula
silica powder
xanthan gum
wall paper paste
sand (from craft kit, ant farm, or Sinai Desert, or rock polishing kit) (8)
Moon Sand
magic ecumenical fairy powder
vanilla pudding (5)
ice cream smoothie

I think that last one comes the closest, don’t you?  And so . . .

I’m happy to announce that the winner of our stupid contest is Elaine Miletic!

Congratulations, Elaine!  Please email me with your shipping address, and I will get your two-year subscription to Faith and Family set up!

And to everyone else, you won’t come away empty handed.  To you, I impart this valuable piece of advice:  making homemade ice cream once every thirteen years is about right.


  1. My husband makes ice cream all the time. He doesn’t use a mix, though. He does it from scratch and comes up with things like vanilla ice cream, dyed yellow, with pieces of chocolate donut in it. Then he calls it “Homer Simpson”.

    He’s very creative. But not as creative as some of those guesses. Iocaine powder!! Did they stake their life on it?

  2. Wow, I rarely win anything! Thanks Simcha! Will send address promptly. (It was the true whiteness that tipped me off to the milky/ice creamy content.)

  3. I’m just impressed that you took the time to type out all of our guesses….and that you put the illegal ones in too!

    Yeah, I have made homemade ice cream many times, but did not know there was a “mix”!

  4. Do try homemade sometime– it’s some work, but it is goooood! I can’t even imagine throwing some powdered mix in and hoping for tasty results…

  5. Xanthan gum in powder form is very useful to those of you trying to bake things without gluten. It holds things together (as in “gum”). I used it to make some granola bars without any wheat products. Yum. You can get it at Whole Foods or health food stores.

    I am shocked that so many people who lost the contest are accepting the rather dubioius evidence backing up the claim that this is ice cream mix and are not calling for a reputable lab analysis of the powder. It renews my faith in humankind’s capacity for trust, social harmony and the graceful capcity to admit one is wrong. Edifying in the midst of all our woeful disputations.

  6. I am deeply ashamed.

    Not that I didn’t guess anything related to ice cream–but rather, that I did not have the wit to be the one to guess “iocaine powder”.

  7. Iocaine powder–LOL! Classic!

    I thought it was pudding mix, but never sent in a guess. I didn’t have any idea there were ice cream mixes!

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