Thursday morning, I will have a post up at the Register about a new NFP charting app for iPhone/iPad. (UPDATE: the post is here.) It’s a fairly straightforward and innocuous piece — just a review with a few lines of comment from the developer. Doesn’t get into theology at all, or discuss sex or anything.
BUT, it’s about NFP. I’ve been around that mulberry bush a couple of times, and I know that no good can come of this. Or, rather, some good can come of it, only to be derailed by a handful of lunatics who see the letters N, F, and P, and instantly ride forth into war
with one of the following cries:
(a) NFP is from the debbil! It’s nothing but Catholic birth control, a demonic liberal tool to chase married couples straight into the mouth of Hell!
(b) Welll, maybe it’s not of the devil per se, but I know for a fact that 90% of my friends who use NFP are abusing it, and have a contraceptive mentality.
(c) If the devil weren’t an artificial construct of the patriarchy, NFP would be from the devil! It’s nothing but church-sanctioned slavery, an abusive conservative tool to turn women into baby factories!
(d) Ew, you said “cervix.”
(e) What a shame it is that these young whippersnappers take the mystery out of everything. The whole world is becoming nothing more than a collection of bits and bytes on a screen. There’s nothing Catholic about technology, and it needs to stay that way.
(f) Shut up, Jew.
(g) We tried NFP for two weeks and had a baby anyway, so I’m suing Dr. Billings and my husband is getting castrated. Catholics are so lame!
Am I missing anything? Which class of comment do you think is going to get the most traction? Am I a big jerk, or what? Maybe no one will care, and I’ll get three comments, and then I’ll have to pretend I’m glad.