Manners, manners


Me:  Well, maybe if you ask me politely, I will move over so you can close it.

3-year-old (snuffling, in her most polite voice):  Mama, will you please move your fat bottom?


    • At about that same age, I told my mom that I wanted to be just like our librarian, Miss Linda, “because she has such a big bottom.” It’s always a comfort to me to know I can look back on life and be sure of having achieved at least one major goal…

  1. Would you believe that my three-year-old said the exact same thing except he was wanting to sit where I was on the couch. I laughed. Jeff wasn’t so amused so he made Joey apologize to me and every time he said “big fat bottom” I would start laughing and Joey would say, “no mama not laughing at ‘big fat bottom.’

    • I didn’t make her apologize because (a) she truly had no idea she was being rude; (b) I was laughing too hard; and (c) I realized that, when she sits in front of the TV, someone invariably says, “Lucy, will you please move your fat head?” (This is a joke, because she is one of these teeny tiny kids, but has a giant head of curly hair that blocks the screen. )

  2. bwa-ha ha! I was drying my 3 yo after his bath and I squeezed him, saying, “Ooh, you just have the cutest little bum in the west!” He responded, with what he truly believed was a great compliment, “And YOU have the biggest bum in the west!”

  3. It is funny but I do have to say that neither I nor any of my siblings would have dared say such a thing to my mother. Her whole being, every thing she did or said told us not to go there.

  4. Are you sure she didn’t hear it from your own lips? I frequently say things like that about myself and the kids pick up on it. And since kids have no sense of irony, they think it’s just the new way to talk! That’s where we get things like: Dad’s in the living room being a doofus. (Where’s Dad?); and, Mom this face cream will cut your wrinkles by 57%!

    • Oh, and before I get pilloried for running down my man, it is HE who refers to himself that way, when he does something clumsy, tells a goofy joke, or loses his keys. In any event, the kids pick up on it.

  5. I do remember my oldest when she was about that age walking in on me while I was getting changed and saying “Wow, mom! You have a lot of waist!”

  6. Oh Simcha, this reminds me of a story my neighbour told me about her little 4 year old son. She was trying to teach him to hold the door open at a store for people coming in behind him, so when they next went to the gas station he noticed a lady behind him and went to get the door for her, politely saying as she walked through “There you go, Old Lady.” She was about 40.

  7. Oh my…

    My daughter once hollered to me, after she’d answered the phone (and not covered the receiver, of course) “MUM! Some old lady’s on the phone for you!”. “Some old lady” turned out to be a total stranger, and Sister who was offering me a place to stay while out of town. I nearly died. Sister just laughed and now thinks my kids are lovely. Miracles can happen.

    My 6yo son recently patted his much older sister on the chest and told her she had a ‘nice boob’. Just one…

    We aren’t quite sure what brought that on.

  8. My little sister just had a baby, and she really did get a big bottom while pregnant. She was explaining to my four-year-old niece that her big tummy was because of the pregnancy, and said niece replies, “Is that why your butt is so big too?” My sister practically wet her pants. Again.

    Apparently when I was three or so, I walked up to a very heavy librarian, patted her thigh and said, “You’ve got nice fat legs!” I don’t get it, but kids at that age actually do think bigger is better, no matter what.

    Thanks for sharing this, it made my day!

  9. My then four-year-old twins were once greeted by a bishop with, “Hello there, little kids!” to which they responded with a friendly, “Hello yourself, big!”

    I think kids get the idea that big is a compliment because it’s often used that way *to* them. “Ooh, aren’t you getting to be a big boy?”

  10. just the other day, my twins told me they loved “my big squishy bottom because it bounced” and then my 9 year old told me “it was time to see Sara (my hairdresser) because I was looking old again.” and they want me to make dessert!

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