A fart bus of one’s own

You know and I know that when I quit blogging, it was the right thing to do.

After I laid my blog to rest, the only daily stats I analyzed were our household reserves of cheap coffee and gin.  I tracked the number of  visits from the tooth fairy, the poop fairy, and the truant officer, but that was all.  I was never tempted to do anything wacky or force any spiritual insights about motherhood just so I’d have something to write about, and that was a big relief to everyone (especially the poop fairy.  I owe that guy some sick leave, believe me).

I spent more time with my family, and less time arguing with Anon. about whether the catechism somehow secretly allows for certain personal methods of the personal relief of personal tension, provided that your wife doesn’t understand you.  (Sir, if you’re reading this, I do pray for you from time to time, but I’d really like you to stay the hell out of my new combox.  Seriously:   ew.)

When I quit blogging, I never had to justify putting off  the school day while the Crispix on the floor  got hard and the children under the table got soggy, because I was still searching for an image of, oh, say, a sad goldfish.  Yes yes, Mama wuvs you, too, but you gotta leave me and Google alone until we find just the right uncopyrighted diagram of a manual eggbeater that will really drive my point home.

When I stopped blogging, the monthly checks for $1. 83 from Google Adsense stopped rolling in.   And, somehow at the same time, I had to confess vanity less often.

But I missed writing.  It’s not that I had anything to say, mind you.  I just missed saying it.  So, just days before my eighth child was born and against medical advice (from the baby, who was trying as hard as she could to get me to wet my pants), I accepted an offer to blog for InsideCatholic.  Now, the other folks there contribute pithy and astute commentary on politics, the arts, science, and Catholic culture.  I, conversely, link to a news story called “Middle Schooler Banned For Causing a Stink” about a kid who was prosecuted for deliberately farting on the bus.  (To my credit, I haven’t actually posted that one yet, but that’s mostly because I haven’t found a better title than, “I tol’ ’em it wuddn’t me.”)

My fellow IC bloggers have been more than gracious, and I’m not quitting or anything.   But I think I’d just like to have a place where I don’t feel sheepish all the time.  A little bus of my own, you might say, where farting is allowed.  Whoopee!  Also, I like the idea of being able to mock, threaten, and expel people just because I’m the only one who knows what the password is.  Also:  I’m sure you’re a nice lady, but “comma-dot-dot-dot” is not the all-purpose punctuational solution you think it is,  so please don’t try that here.

My name is Simcha Fisher.   I write because I feel sad and stupid when I’m not writing.  But that doesn’t mean that what I write isn’t sad and stupid.  It is, it is!

Welcome, and please be patient as I get used to this routine again.  So far, my relationship with WordPress has been less than ravishing, but we shall see.  Also, I can’t remember how to change the font of the post titles, so you’ll have to put up with Cauterized Shelfwear Sans Serif, or whatever it’s called.  Anyway, hi, everyone!  Say hello, so I know you’re still out there!

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61 comments

  1. <>

    Thank you, baby Jesus.

    <>

    I can completely relate to this. Having access to those passwords at IC is a temptation every day. Especially when it comes to certain serial punctuation abusers.

    All of which is to say, congratulations on the new space! I’ll be back often for the farting.

  2. Ok, apparently WordPress doesn’t like me either. In between those “,” I was responding to this:

    “My fellow IC bloggers have been more than gracious, and I’m not quitting or anything.”

    “But I think I’d just like to have a place where I don’t feel sheepish all the time. A little bus of my own, you might say, where farting is allowed. Whoopee! Also, I like the idea of being able to mock, threaten, and expel people just because I’m the only one who knows what the password is. Also: I’m sure you’re a nice lady, but “comma-dot-dot-dot” is not the all-purpose punctuational solution you think it is, so please don’t try that here.”

  3. How wonderful to once again have a window into your lovely brain…..

    Just kidding! “… a window into your lovely brain.”

  4. On second thought, d@m*! you for taking my ellipsis from me…. I don’t “lol” or ” ; ) .” What am I left with…?

    UPDATE: I had to dictionary.com “elipsis” so as not to look like a double fool, and I see that * * * is an accepted variation, so that’s where I’m going. For now * * *

  5. Oh Simcha, I’m rolling. Now *THIS* is a good way to start the day! (Thanks, Daniella, for linking on your Facebook!) So glad you’re back. You’re going on the top of the blogs I follow! 😀 This part is awesome:

    “Yes yes, Mama wuvs you, too, but you gotta leave me and Google alone until we find just the right uncopyrighted diagram of a manual eggbeater that will really drive my point home.” This is what I do when I try to blog about home schooling! Totally ridiculous, but hilarious when you tell it!!

    Lindsey (from the Board)

  6. I have such mixed emotions right now. After I have a good cry over my painful blog-free existence, and punch a wall in jealous rage, I will come back and give you a congratulatory hug.

  7. So glad to hear the lovely wit that I have been missing since high school! Thanks for the invitation. I will definitely be checking in regularly. I’m always up for “mom wisdom”. Even if you think it’s not wisdom, it is.

  8. hi. you do not know me; I’m a friend of Joey and Jacob’s. I enjoyed your words immensely. Immensely. I, too, feel sad and stupid when I am not writing, though it never occured to me to phrase it that way.
    Thanks.

  9. I have been following you on IC and am greatly looking forward to following you here as well.

    (It’s not as creepy as it sounds.)

  10. Simcha,
    I never kept up with your blog in the past, but I will definitely be reading now! I will also pass your blog address on to my sister who loves your writing!
    Blessings and hope to run into you over the summer!

  11. I just wandered over here from Jen’s Conversion diary…and I think I’ll stay. Anyone who makes me laugh out loud is a must-read.

    That’s not too much pressure for ya, is it?

  12. Just found out from Jen’s blog that you are back! I was a lurker before, mostly because I find it hard to type with a child or three in my lap, but I’m coming out to say “welcome back!”

  13. This is the only time in my life I have used the acronym ROFL (seriously, I do NOT like acronyms), but I must use it now. Welcome back!

  14. I didn’t know about you before, but blogging came into my life in August 2009, so I am very interested in this one after reading these first couple of posts. You have another follower. (And now I am all-of-a-sudden self-conscious about my (over)use of the elipsis.

  15. I am someone who has smugly explained to a lot of people that I don’t read blogs because really, I don’t see why I should read somebody’s thoughts about their day or whatever. I have my own life, and the more time I spend reading blogs, the less I am living it. It’s like watching the show “Friends.” What does that say about you? It says you don’t have friends. Especially if you are watching it with your friends. Sad. But I’m not really a mean person who just likes making people feel bad about the harmless diversions they enjoy. I’m Catholic trying to raise my kids to shoot for sainthood while I’m trying to shoot for sainthood my own poor self. And there is so little time for all of the things you are supposed to do! How can you watch TV or read blogs??? Meanwhile I’m living in this ever-present worry about how vituperative rhetoric (at places like InsideCatholic, where yes, I do go sometimes) is driving us Catholics apart, even as it is breaking our nation into pieces and enslaving us to more powerful and wealthier, more self-interested and cynical people even than ourselves… And then I happen on Jen at Conversion Diary. And all my resolve melts as I realize that I can send a link even to my sister-in-law who will secretly cringe at the name of the blog…but will not be able to resist the references to “I’m on a Boat” and to you, Dear Blogger, whom she compares to David Sedaris. And you are such a great writer and a great relief. Though both you and Jen make me feel like you are just superior versions of myself, I will read you if only to have the chance to like myself (and the world, and such people in it!) for awhile. Thank you for writing in public!

  16. I haven’t read you until now but judging from the comments here from people who seem to not have been able to live too well without you, I guess I’m going to see what all the fuss is about. From first impressions, you do seem refreshingly honest. I’m glad you took a break — it’s necessary sometimes. Good for you. And welcome back, even though I didn’t realize you were missing until now. 🙂

  17. yaaaaaaaay! My favorite mommy blogger in the world, back online just in time to guide me through my third trimester?! It’s too good to be true!

  18. Jenny – guide you through your third trimester? Think of me as one of those dump trucks with the big orange “DO NOT FOLLOW” sign on the back. But congratulations!

    Everyone, I’m going to try and do a better job of responding to comments. Thank you so much for the warm and sweet reception! With all this affirmation, I’ve been just insufferable all week, so good job.

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