i want to turn into a dog, but how?

I’m a pastor’s wife looking for inexpensive baby gifts.
Was George Washington brilliant or lucky?

Why do fat women like Tweety Bird?

I have to sit down blob.

.

You don’t want to be in my shoe, my shoe.

Stallone in the dark;

Planet tushy.

.

Beer is sabotaging my fat loss.

I’ll claw your eyes out.

.

 God, God, God, else but God:

Accidentally whole bottle.

How to reply when your answer is stupid?

How to make gargoyle feet?

.

Knock knock. Who’s there?  Never.

Victorian cats;

Buboes.

Get down, down, down; sit on the premium.

Superman unclothes

.

Are there any non-dorky homeschooling parents?

Simcha Fisher gun-wielding butt.
support+wife’s+stupid+ideas:

Lori Petty theme.

.

Disney penis,

Outrageous mustache,

Simcha dog hero.

.

Danielle feral,

Awful teeth,

Joke meningitis joke.

.

Big fig newton,

X-ray monkey,

“Wonky tonky” meaning.

.

Kosher condomes for ivf;

Mamamamamamamamamamamamamama.

How is being told your butt is abig a complement to a girl?

He is a chubby man.

.

Simcha Fisher

Modesty debate.

I will make you fishers of pants.

.

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On-screen (and on-couch) behavior

Sex, movies, and fart noises.  

 

 

 

 

 

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My brilliant parenting idea

How to teach, nurture, and get to know your kids, and let them know you like them, without actually changing your routine.

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Twofer Costumes for the Conflicted Catholic Family

All right, there’s not actually any way I can pass off this styrofoam replica of a golden fertility idol

meant to resemble this one from Raiders of the Lost Ark

as remotely suitable for an All Saints’ Day party.  It does hold special meaning for me, though, because as I studied the above photo intently while jabbing at a ball of styrofoam with a spoon, I noted the exact moment when I began to freak out about giving birth.  (Yes, I censored the model I made, for reasons other than running out of styrofoam.  It’s for my 7-year old son, who asks enough questions as it is.)

Here’s a tip for you:  it’s harder than you’d think to make a golden idol out of styrofoam, tin foil, spray paint, duct tape, and a spoon.  But the boy is happy.

Anyway, for others who are still hunting for a way to send their kids trick-or-treating AND to an All Saints’ Day party, I have the solution.

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I know you know what I mean.

Aw, nuts.  It’s our fourteenth wedding anniversary, I can’t find the wedding album to scan a picture in, and all the things I keep saying keep sounding stupid.

I love you, Damien, and I always will.  (There, that sounded okay.)

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Porn Addiction, Documented

Today you can see my interview with Sean Finnegan, director of the award-winning documentary Out Of the Darkness.  

The film wasn’t what I expected:  they didn’t try to make it interesting by showing censored or fleeting images of porn; and it wasn’t a tirade or a doom-and-gloom litany of devastating statistics.  Instead, it shows the human side of pornography, with interviews with a former porn star and a former porn addict, among others.  Good stuff, keeps your attention.  I would especially recommend it for youth groups and men’s groups, or for anyone who thinks porn is kind of no big deal.

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Falser words were never spoken

In general, when you’re going to make a list, there should be at least ten elements.  Or, if you are in a hurry, five is respectable.

Two, however, is just pathetic.  I gotta start going to bed earlier.  Maybe in the mean time, you can head over to the Register and give some examples of the falsest statements you’ve ever heard.  There must be more than two!

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The grass is just as complicated on the other side; or, How I learned to stop worrying and love NFP

This one’s for people who aren’t really tempted to start using contraception, but can’t help thinking about how easy life would be.

The alternate title didn’t quite make it to the final edit, but because I love you, here’s a trailer:

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Your patient has become humble.

Today’s post at the Register:  C. S. Lewis to the rescue again!

Which reminds me:  if you haven’t read The Screwtape Letters, you should!  More startling and helpful ideas about how the human soul works than you can shake a stick at, and so entertaining and accessible.  It ought to be required reading for confirmation classes.

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Simcha’s Guide to Naming Catholic Children

Here to help.

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