This is why my children play with sticks, rocks, and dirt.

July 19, 2011 by Simcha Fisher

Baby Glutton doll, combining toys with breastfeeding, now available in the US! If only there were some way to involve vaccines, circumcision, or Sarah Palin, this product would form the perfect trifecta of Things Americans Freak Out About.

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Posted in Uncategorized | 15 Comments

15 Responses

on July 19, 2011 at 4:08 PM | Reply thesockeys@gmail.com

I enjoyed this, as usual with your stuff. You had a line there about how at first you would carefully pick toys according to how, I forget, classic, noble, imaginative, etc. they were. Have you ever seen that Christian homeschooling catalog that sells only expensive little historical replica toy and costumes, and is extremely gender segregated? All the boys have the cool weapons, miniature sextants, flint/steels, while the girls are stuck with embroidery kits? I’ve been looking for a link but can’t find it. Might be a good thing to lampoon sometime, if you want to continue this topic of over the top toys.
- on July 19, 2011 at 5:06 PM | Reply Simcha Fisher
  
  Yeah, the more I think about it, the more I realize I’m just as neurotic about toys as everyone else – I just feel more self-righteous about it. Did you see the Mother Theresa doll I linked to? I thought I would get slammed for bashing my fellow Catholics again (since it’s a Catholic, family-owned company, I think), but that’s the kind of thing that really chafes my hide — the “let’s teach our kids to imitate Christ by laying down enormous wads of cash” line of reasoning. Bah, humbug.
  - on July 20, 2011 at 7:41 AM | Reply samcarter14
    
    I thought I was a bad Catholic because that Mother Teresa doll scared me. It looks like Baba Yaga or something and I can’t imagine a child snuggling up with it at night.
- on July 20, 2011 at 2:41 PM | Reply Anne-Marie
  
  It’s the Vision Forum, subdivided into the All-American Boy’s Adventure Catalog and the Beautiful Girlhood Collection. Gag.
  - on July 20, 2011 at 3:02 PM | Reply thesockeys@gmail.com
    
    That’s it! Beautiful Girlhood! Please do a profusely illustrated zinger column on this company that preys on homeschooler oneupmanship.
    - on July 20, 2011 at 3:27 PM | Reply Simcha Fisher
      
      Ohhh, brother. I looked at the girl stuff first, and though, “Well, this isn’t so bad – they do have some stuff that looks like kind of neat, in along with the parasols and peanut-growing kits-” but then I looked at the boy stuff. HOLY COW. I mean, it’s one thing to be a drippy parent who doesn’t understand what fun is. It’s quite another to understand fun, and reserve it entirely for your sons. Sheesh. It’s like they’re trying to train men to associate enjoyment with being with other men, and any time there’s anything that women are interested in, like, um, harps, and weaving potholders, — hm, must be time for another weekend away with the guys. Yeah, I don’t see any problems arising there.
      
      Also, I’ve never seen so much apparent emphasis placed on being PALE. Parasols – long gloves – indoor things. Are rosy cheeks now a brand of feminism, or something? What IS it with these people?
      
      Haven’t even looked at the teaching materials. When I was still homeschooling, even normal catalogues would throw me into despairs of inadequacy. I
    - on July 20, 2011 at 4:38 PM | Reply Corita
      
      Did I misunderstand how to navigate the website? Or are there about five books in the “Girls” section– along with the dolls and dollhouses and modesty slips– whereas the “Boys” catalog has a few pages of books mixed into its TOTALLY AWESOME TOYS selection??
    - on July 20, 2011 at 7:44 PM | Reply bob cratchit
      
      It’s also an extremely protestant/evangelical program. The book list is a compendium of… gag. Reeding the “About” page could have been written by B. Jones.
      - on July 20, 2011 at 7:46 PM | Reply bob cratchit
        
        It’s also an extremely protestant/evangelical program. The book list is a compendium of… gag. Reading the “About” page could have been written by B. Jones.
on July 19, 2011 at 4:37 PM | Reply SCCatholic

Careful in that toy aisle. I noticed a modesty war brewing.

Lisa
- on July 19, 2011 at 5:09 PM | Reply Simcha Fisher
  
  Is there ANYTHING that doesn’t have to do with modesty?
  
  The first time someone gave our daughter a Barbie doll, I carefully slit open the wrapping paper (I could tell what it was by the shape of the package), pulled it out, and substituted an expensive, modestly dressed, proportionally appropriate doll of a girl in riding clothes, and taped the package shut the night before Christmas.
  
  Thirteen years later, we have naked Barbies lying around in piles like driftwood on the beach. The boys use them as guns.
on July 19, 2011 at 6:20 PM | Reply Nancy

I saw this doll somewhere else on the internet, and remembered my two oldest sons breastfeeding their stuffed animals . . . much cheaper, and way less weird. You’re right — if you want to teach kids about breastfeeding, just do it (or hang around someone who is)!
on July 19, 2011 at 6:54 PM | Reply Beadgirl

You forgot pots and pans. Big, loud pots and pans. The Beadboys especially love to crash the lids of my calderos together as cymbals. Which causes me to go hide upstairs.
on July 20, 2011 at 8:00 PM | Reply Katie

I had a friend with 2 children, a boy of 6 and a girl of 2. The boy wanted a GI Joe for Christmas, and by the time his parents got to the store, all they had left was a black GI Joe. Being modern, enlightened parents, of course, they bought it. But it was the blond headed, blue eyed little cherub of a sister who REALLY loved the toy. She insisted on taking it everywhere with her, and always carried it upside-down by the crotch…
on July 21, 2011 at 4:55 PM | Reply fivehalos

This is totally unrelated — Other than my agreement that most toys are stupid advertisements for TV shows, movies or pop stars. Well, that’s not exactly what you said. I thought you’d appreciate this. If we could put some of those very plastic lame toys to a similar multitasking use … http://fivehalos.wordpress.com/2011/07/21/mom-mix-a-lot/